Lesson Three:It’s Okay to Grow Old

To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. --Henri Frederic Amiel

I woke up to rain, fog + overall dreariness. It was an AWFUL day. And on my Birthday, too. Well, it was fitting as I was turning 34 and feeling incredibly old.

Yes, you read that right…OLD. Now my 55 year old self hears that and just laughs. Being in your thirties is certainly NOT old. GOODNESS NO! LOL.

But back then I thought it was. I thought my life was over. I thought I was fat, too…different lesson for another time.

Anyway….I thought 34 was old and here it was my 34th Birthday and the weather was just crap.

UGH.

I had no real plans that day except one…to see my dear friend, Jill.

Poor Jill. She was in the hospital, suffering complications from a bone marrow transplant. You see my sweet, amazing, sassy, bestie Jill had been battling Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for a few months. She had been through so much, but was a fighter. She would be alright. I mean she was only my age. Too young to die.

I showed up at the hospital, popped my head in Jill’s room and smiled.

“Hey girl, when you getting out of here so we can party?!?”

Jill’s eyes fluttered open.

She looked at me, holding out her hand.

I took it, squeezed it and tried to clear the lump that was forming in my throat.

Jill looked awful.

Stock Image

While this photo is not Jill, I wanted to share similar photos to help tell my story. Unfortunately I don’t have many photos of us…it was such a different time…no cell phones. We rarely took photos! Those of you that are my age completely understand.

I sat on the edge of her bed, holding her hand and tried to think of something to say. I didn’t know what to say. I mean what do you say to your best friend who has two little children and lots of years to live, yet here they are, looking like death warmed over? What do you say?

I didn’t know what to say.

I wish I did. I replay this so often in my mind. Why didn’t I just hug her fiercely and tell her I love her?

Instead Jill spoke first.

“Happy Birthday, Les.”

I looked at her, quickly forgetting she was lying in a hospital bed, quite possibly dying.

“Oh my gosh. I hate today. I hate how OLD I am getting. UGH. 34?!?!?!?”

Now before I tell you her response there is something you MUST know about Jill. She was INDEPENDENT and she ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS spoke her mind. She could have cared less if she hurt your feelings or not.

Jill looked at me, straight in the eyes, rubbed my hand gently, then spoke, with the ferocity of a Lion….

“Be grateful you get a chance to live another year.”

I blinked as if I had been slapped.

What had she just said?

I thought about it.

Replayed her words in my mind.

I was speechless.

What had I just said?

My friend and I just sat there, hand in hand looking at one another. I was so ashamed at what I had said. How thoughtless of me.

“Jill, you are right. I AM grateful. I can’t believe I said that.”

She just continued to look at me. Tears in her eyes.

“Don’t EVER complain about another Birthday. About getting older. Be GRATEFUL.”

My best friend Jill died less than a year later.

Her husband called me from the hospital. She had just been through her second bone marrow transplant but it hadn’t worked.

Jill was gone.

The day after she passed, her Mother called me.

“Les, we need you to speak at Jill’s funeral. She was adamant that YOU are to speak. Are you okay with that?”

Of course I said yes.

The day of Jill’s service all I kept thinking about was our moment in the hospital. I shared that story with her family and friends.

It’s been many, many years since my friend lost her battle with cancer. I have watched her youngest daughter grow up, move to college and be a success doing what she loves. Every now and then I see her oldest girl here in my town. She lives in a group home for special needs adults. Whenever I see her, she still smiles, remembering our times with her Mom.

There isn’t a Birthday that goes by I don’t hear Jill’s words to me. “Be grateful for another year.” Oh how I wish my friend was here to celebrate with me.

Friends, is there someone special in your life that taught you a big life lesson? If they are still living, TELL THEM. Say THANK YOU! I wish I could thank Jill for her wise words. They changed the way I look at age. I AM thankful for each year I am here on this Earth. All the precious memories I have made with my family and continue to make. I am so GRATEFUL for my health and never take a day for granted.

My friend Jill was a special Soul. I was blessed to have her in my life.

Thanks for reading, friends.

xoxo

Leslie